Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Angry Conservative Rant

I am an angry conservative. Maybe I’m a little less angry today than yesterday, but angry nonetheless. I am more than tired of being ignored, and when I can’t be ignored, belittled and treated as though I am too stupid to realize my ideas don’t matter. I think it is past time for politicians to wake up and remember that they are public servants.

Yes, I said servant. That means that my elected representatives are there to represent me and my neighbors—to serve our interests, not to determine them. When we can no longer call, email, or write our elected representatives and get any kind of response, favorable or not, the servant has forgotten his/her position. Our public servants are absolutely convinced that they have become our masters, and now want to tell us what we must or must not do. We must buy certain kinds of insurance (but not too much, lest we have more than our neighbors). We must not resell children’s toys, furniture or clothing (because manufacturing rules have changed, and we are not competent to determine what will be unsafe for younger children—who must be more fragile than the children who preceded them). We must allow them to spend ever more of our money for nonsensical things and not say a thing. Should we whimper about the injustice, we are condescendingly reminded that it is our duty to support those who have less, whether or not their poverty is the result of poor choices.

It is time to remember Joseph, the biblical example of the good servant. Though he was involuntarily a servant, the Bible tells us that he served so honorably that his bosses (Potiphar, the jailer, and finally, Pharoah) had no care because Joseph was in charge. He could be trusted to deal honestly, wisely, and to his master’s benefit with everything under his care. Our current public servants must be watched like unhousebroken puppies. When out of our sight, they will tear up the furniture, sleep on our pillows, and then pee on the rug. When discovered, they will put on the innocent face, hoping we will love them anyway.

Sorry, Congress. You’re not a lovable puppy; puppies can eventually be trained. You are the corrupt sociopath who has no conscience. You will do anything to maintain your own power and further your own agenda. So do not be surprised when your masters—us—find you revolting and throw you out.

And be glad you’re not a puppy. Untrainable, aggressive dogs get put to sleep.

Friday, January 01, 2010

Ask a Grown-Up

Yesterday I heard an ad for Dial-a-Psychic, giving a sample question. It occurred to me that what the caller needed was not a psychic; any competent adult could have given him decent advice after asking a few logical questions. A better service could be provided by eliminating the psychic component and renaming it Dial-an-Adult.

So many problems could be fixed with just a little Adult advice. Dating issues, child-rearing problems, and budget troubles could all be cured with a little input from someone with her head screwed on straight. Take these examples:

Caller: Joe isn’t the kind of guy I’d want to marry, but it’s OK to have a couple of dates, isn’t it?

Adult: And what is the purpose of dating if not to find a marriage partner? Don’t waste your time (and maybe your life).

Caller: I don’t understand why my kids won’t behave. I love them so much, and I just want to be their friend.

Adult: Kids don’t want parental friends; they want PARENTS! Get up and discipline them. Use time-outs, deprivation of favorite activities, and good, old-fashioned chores. If your children don’t behave, it’s probably because you were so concerned that they wouldn’t like you that you abdicated your role as the grown-up in your household. You must consistently, lovingly, and sometimes physically assert your dominance. They may tell you they hate you, but somewhere down the road they will thank you.

Caller: My credit cards are maxed out, and I just don’t know how I’m going to provide Christmas for my kids this year. Can you recommend an agency to help?

Adult: Sorry. Sometimes the best lessons your kids learn are hard ones. You messed up your credit? Too bad; your kids won’t have a Toys-r-Us Christmas. This year, you will have to do your Christmas shopping at the thrift store and garage sales or make items from what you have on hand. If your budget is underfunded, have a family meeting and let your kids know that sacrifices have to be made by everyone. Then cut up those cards and begin to pay your debts.

Adult advice could help many people. Unfortunately, most people don’t want to behave like adults because responsible living means self-denial, delayed gratification, and hard work. Dial-an-Adult is a great idea which will never work. It’s easier to call a psychic.